"A DAY IN THE LIFE"

DAY 1

In a coffee shop, i am sitting in a table beside a window. There is a vase on which a purple flower blossoms on the table. A fine art hangs alone on the cafe wall. A summer breeze brushes my hair and spills the ash from the ashtray all over my shirt. I blow air softly and the ashes fly away. The cigarette i am smoking is only half done when a couple enters the coffee shop. With a cigarette in one of my hands and a cup in another i smoke it peacefully. The couple sits in the table right beside the wall on which the fine art hangs.

The girl is probably of nineteen or twenty and the guy is a hunk with a stocky body and tight shirt and grunge faded jeans and a hairdo i wished i never had to do. Yes it was that bad. The girl is wearing i don’t know what you call it. A sort of knee length dress white in color with flowers like imprints sort of pink and soft yellow. She has long black hair with a bit of a curl and shiny emerald like earrings shining as if it's screaming silently for me to see. She was wearing a stiletto but I'm not that sure. She was constantly touching the strip of her bag over her shoulder and stroking her hair. Well, i did not notice anything more than that.

I pick another cigarette from the packet and with a lighter light it up and start to take in the smoke. I keep watching the couple specially the girl after all that’s what guys do look at others girlfriends and i am telling you it doesn't stop even if they have a women to call their own. She smiles, it’s more of a chuckle covers her mouth with her hands. The guy holds her hand and i can see them looking at each other and sharing a glance. It looks like their eyes do all the talking. Suddenly the girl spills some drink on her hand and cleans it with a handkerchief she pulled out of her bag.

I was so curious on them that i almost smoked the filter of my cigarette. I get up, pay the bill and walk out of the coffee shop. The sky is grey with patches of black clouds and it seems like it is going to rain in a while now. I have to hurry up now and reach my home else the rain is going to get me all wet and the next morning i would be sneezing, coughing and covering my nose all day long. I don’t want that happening. I don’t have an umbrella. Well, i never got hold of the idea of carrying an umbrella around. I could make an exception if it has been raining but else it burdened me. And i felt sort of heavy doing that. And it's not England that you hardly see the sun so you got to be always prepared for the rain. I walk along the sidewalk really fast. All sorts of people with their umbrella spokes moving haywire are in a hurry. They don’t care if someone got pricked. So, making my way through the crowd and avoiding the umbrella army i am about 500 meters from my home. It's drizzling slightly but i do not bother about that but as i am about to reach my home, It rains like crazy and i get wet within 2 minutes. I go straight to my room and start changing. And with perfectly dry clothes on i wait for the rain to stop. I stare at the windows and the droplets hitting it and those racing down the glass and those that coalesce with each other and make big drop and fall off in the end. I watch the black bird taking shelter on the tree under its leaves and i see the tiny ants on the outside of my window pane rushing back and forth carrying small pieces of what they ate escaping the water drops so tiny to us but which swept them away like a tsunami.

DAY 2

It's early morning about 7 and i wake up. Opening my eyes as little as i could, i look outside the window. The rain is gone and the sun is up and about. And the air feels fresh and it smells of a new day. But the freshness of the day was limited only to the smell. I get fresh and get out of the house and walk along the sidewalk. I like it this way with as less people as possible on it and the honking of the horns and the engine sounds are also far less than at the time of day. I walk breathing the fresh air wishing it would put some of its freshness into me and when i wake up tomorrow i find a new myself. And I’ve tried but there is never the new me. I am the same old person, everyday i wake up. The same old uncombed hair, the same old untrimmed beard, the same old apathy and the same old mundane self. The person walking on the sidewalk and the people driving their cars are the only variables.

I reach the coffee shop and sit in the same table beside the window. The waiter brings the usual a cup of coffee and four cigarettes. There are not much people in the cafe at this time of the day. It's quiet like the purple flower in the vase. Beautiful but on the verge of withering. I sip the coffee and inhale the smoke deep and exhale all the freshness out of and i am the same old stale self again. I look at the table where the couple was sitting but it's empty too. Suddenly the girl walks in. This time it's only her and the guy is not around. Maybe she was the freshness i was longing on for so so long i wonder. I watch her. She ordered a coffee and a sandwich i guess. I was too busy staring at her clear face in front of which her hair dropped and her perfectly done eyebrows. It was foolish of me to dream so soon. And i made myself realize that and jumped out of my imaginary world. With all my senses intact i am saying that she was another kind of pretty, my kind of pretty. I knew i was being drawn towards her. I knew that quite clear at the moment of time and i knew that i needed to stop myself from being pulled onto someone. For more than once i would not want to be the one whimpering on about my failed love. I do not want to start something new which i would not be able to put an end to when it has gone beyond my control so i knew i needed to stop myself from making the mistake when i still have the chance.so, i withdraw myself from the lady so gracious and yet so simply pretty that i would imagine to be forever at my sight. I come of out of the imaginary conversation i am having with myself and make myself acquainted with the reality again. And the guy the girl was with the day before arrived and cleared the doubts if i still had any about her.

The guy comes in with a bouquet of yellow Lilly’s and gives it to the girl which she accepts with a graceful smile. I stand up and get out of the cafe right away and part ways from all the thoughts i was having. With all sorts of thoughts playing pinball inside my skull i take a walk slow but not so peaceful as it was when i came early morning. I figured i was so empty and so desperate to try to fill up the emptiness that i was rushing onto a immature decision and solely on the urge of temptation i was going to let myself stray again for one more time. And i was about to make the same mistake again. How long could i keep myself at bay from the mystery life presented me with?? That’s a question i could not create an answer to. May be i would be taken aback from the imaginary endeavors i had planned inside my head or i would simply give in on the unpredictability of any future i might behold.

DAY 3

Phone rings. It rings several times. It is no surprise that the job an alarm couldn't do for 2 hours would not be done by few rings on the phone. I feel a sense of light on my face and finally get up from my bed. Stare at myself for a couple of minutes in the mirror and decide not to shave yet again. Maybe I’m just too lazy or maybe i am in love with my rugged look or maybe it gives me a sense of maturity that i did not have at a certain point of my life. I talk to myself, question several things and shovel out the answers i am often seeking for from within myself. One thing, i am not mad. I feel comfortable talking to myself rather than with another person for i have to explain all sort of nonsense to them while i can easily stick to what i seek while talking with myself. I walk out but not toward the cafe today but toward a new destination i am going to embrace. Of course i miss my table beside the window, the vase which held the purple flower blossoming, the art on the wall, the table beside the wall and the pretty face that used to sit there. But i don’t miss all that badly enough to walk back into that cafe and spend an hour or so staring at that piece of beauty smoking a pack of cigarettes and clouding my ever unclear mind with the cigarette smoke.

Sometimes what you thought you need and what you actually need are two different things and it takes a lot realize that and let go of your fantasies and all your plan you thought that you'll make happen. And as the candle burns down you realize that there will be no light after a moment so you try to savour the moment the light still exist, at that very moment you do not think of the possibility of the light another candle might bring. No, i do not consider the possibility that the light it brings will be as important as the first one for i have been so used to the darkness that light hurt my eyes and blind my thoughts. It withers my flowers and washes off the paint of my picture. It shows me the picture of the one that i could never make mine. It reminds me of my failures and my mistakes and my regrets. It makes me question myself and makes it more clear to me that we are never meant to hold on. "The tighter you hold onto a handful of sand the faster you'll lose all of it."