"GOD THAT DIED"

In the never ending open road of life

here i stand alone like a tree

i have no memories of the past

not a faint souvenier with me

my destiny has deceived me

it seems like i've been cheated by myself

even my shadow has left me

luck & fate of which i could'nt careless

but all these things make me fearless

Since im the man with no identity

i've nothing to worry about

the god which people believe in

is as worthless as mud to me

thinking what worse could i go through

i stop caring about everything

now,with no hope,no drama,no twist

i'm just a living corpse

you cannot bury me 6 feet under

cuz i've already been there,but

i rose from my grave to haunt the dead 

trying to hold on to what i've got

i still hope to gain life

but it'll never happen

cuz i laid the god in his death bed.

"HAUNTED"

Out through the shadow 

i stretch my bare hands

hoping to feel the touch of your soft skin

cutting through the darkness with the light

thats left in me

i move on and on but i reach nowhere

Then i remember the words you spoke

still im not able to get over your demise

want to set my soul free in the darkness

just to light up the silent cemetery

to see your lifeless face for the last time

Love to be with you,your smile

silently our souls depart

you are gone & you left me lifeless

im like a bird with no wings

like a solitary tree in the desert

i begin to dig up my own grave

finally god has listened to me

even if he did'nt bring you back

now i get to sleep beside you forever

Remembering the moments

that passed by so fast

im happy though not when im alive but

in my life at last.

"QUEEN OF HEARTS"

There she is all by herself waiting for someone so patiently,the anxiousness in her eyes tells the story.The one she is waiting for is very lucky.Waiting to feel the touch, the warmth she'd feel with whomever it is,the comfort it would give her when those arms hold her tight,the childish eyes that would look straight into her eyes which would make herself feel secure,the hands that would clear the hair on her face so gently and the lips that'd kiss her which would make her feel no need to search for heaven.she still waits for him.It seems like she would be waiting all day "just so".

She's beautiful,the thing is that she's out of the ordinary.At a safe distance i keep a silent look at her,every move she makes and every time she walks few step forward and turns back continously,i see her in the cold gloomy day pulling the sleeves of her sweater to keep her hands warm and biting her nails in anxiousness.People are passing by as usual.She sometimes stares at a piece of rock,being still for several minutes and then reality hits her,and it hits her hard.She's out of her la...la...land.

Finally,i see a different side of her.Now she frowns and wonders why has she been waiting for the one that would never come all this time .She tries to walk away of that place but her feet pulls herself back,the agony that is burning her from inside so sweetly that she's unable to tell truth from a lie and reality from a dream.Now she sits there with both her hands on her head.

She's disoriented from inside,not completely though.

It seems like shes not one of those losers who would quit living for something so cheap but the one who would stand back up after falling down and destroy the reason that felled her down.

Something unexpected has happenned.All of a sudden tears roll down her face,the tear falling from her cute big eyes has a whole lot of story, i think .I'm still looking at her from a safe distance.I dont have the courage to go to her and wipe those tears with my hand off the ever glowing face of hers and give her my shoulder for support.There's no one,not a single person to support her.Selfish world,i think.Each person walking by has their own life and a reason to live for so,no one even bothers to give a shit to anyone other than themselves.But look at me........seriously.....of all people im the one with no work,no any reason to live for and im taking notice of each and every step that she takes.

I do have friends and people who act as if they care......they only look at me when i have something to give but there's never my turn to receive.That's life for you,i think. so, i have left all of them and started talking to my own self,that way i wouldnt have to worry that i'd ever be alone and it'll certainly not ask any favours in return.

She wipes her tear and tries to look fresh but i can see her,how much she tries she cannot hide everything behind her MONALISA SMILE,the smile that comes with pain.

Suddenly a current of courage  swirls through my veins,they bulk and pop through the auricles and ventricles of my heart and reach my brain,triggering a excitation within me.I dont know what im going to da next,it seems like something's controlling me.I walk towards her and reach near.I try to run a few sentences  through my head so that i wouldnt seem dumb infront of her.BUT,she picks herself up and walks away from there,i think destiny is not in my side,as it always is the case,poor me.

I sit down where she was sitting before and just stare at the tears she spilled over the ground.the emotions that she buried down.I stand up and walk away,and guess what?? it starts drizzling.I run to take shelter under a tree and wait for the rain to go away.As i wait,i see "the girl" almost not noticing the rain walking as the rain washes her tears away.It seems like everything else,the cars,buses,and all the streetwalkers have stood still and only she's the one in motion.She stops for a brief moment and comes under the same tree under which i am standing.

Theres no stopping to the rain it seems,so she walks from there too,i look at her going away as far as my sight allows me and after sometime my eyes cannot picture her in my sight.

I'm patiently waiting for the rain to stop.I'm hallucinating now,i'm letting my mind control me,even though its wet i run,not feeling the cold drops of rain in a cold November evening.My mind is jammed,it seems im blank ."The girl",pain,joy,excitement all go away.They vanish like the mythical genie of the lamp.I feel high without any drug and it brings a sense of freedom to me,and it sort of consoles me and i try not to dig deep into my tiny little brain.

Tomorrow is going to be a new day.The sun awaits to shine upon my empty skull and imprint the face of another "QUEEN OF HEARTS" that would drag me to the point i could give all that i have and then drop me dead.  

Vacant Art

Somewhere I read an article,some two years back I guess.I cant remember the exact details but there was a line that still strikes my mind.And I am remembering it time and again so I decided to pour out my thoughts via this blog.The line goes like this"they do not make colors like you anymore".Don't know why but this particular verse made all the way up to the cortex of my brain,maybe it's because I could relate to the color or the you in that line or the subconscious painter that is within me which paints the fabrications and all the abstract thoughts that tangles me up like a prey tangled up in a spider web had something to do with it.Sometimes I hold a palette with all sorts of colors in it and all the new variety I could make by mixing one with another & still I wonder which color suits the best to paint what i exactly want to.And I simply give up thinking "there are no colors like you anymore",and yes I could make do with the dull colors but I simply cannot.I cannot compromise when it comes to what is so delicate, that is the painting of yours.

I am afraid that I might get it wrong that I refuse to try,yes that happens to a lot of us but only some tell the truth.The colors are simply not the as jolly and bright as they might seem to a lot of people.Well at least I see them differently.They whisper you different tunes and you just have to try to resonate with the correct one.Most of the people don't even consider black and white as a significant color but those are the ones that excite me the most.There were times I have wished that my palette had only black and white in it but then there were none and I was holding on to what was a empty canvas and a colorless palette so i could not paint at all and i still cannot because i am still short of colors.There are no variety of black and white as they used to be and other alternatives hold no importance maybe that's why they always are alternatives for me,never choices.But i paint with my imagination with the void that fills up whats not there and if you are still wondering I do not use no colors,I prefer it real.No any decorations to make it beautiful because I think that if you do not like something with the reality it has to offer to you,you do not have the divine right to cherish it's beauty when it's decorated with all the colors.And yes my painting is lacking a lot but i wish to leave it that way as the empty palette is what painters pick up to fill it up with colors of their own.

If one day you find a empty canvas somewhere sound and quite give it a look nicely because it is completely up to you what you see as Edgar degas quoted“Art is not what you see, but what you make others see.” it contains the fabrications  and the imaginations I created.

The Hitler era

Recently I watched a movie.It was an Academy awards winning movie,The Pianist.It was very presentable, about a Jew in Germany in The Hitler era.The journey the Jew goes through in the entire movie is quite a feat,he is a true hero in the sense that he survives what were the most scariest of situations.The domination by the Germans,the hungry nights he spent and the beatings he got for speaking infront of the Germans was vividly displayed.The out and out way the Germans took the guns and shot the Jews in the skull and the family's they had shattered did not matter at all.The wall that was created to barr Jews from German community was another example of the differences or the sheer hatred towards Jews.

The Jew played by Adrian Broody is a monumental figure in your mind after you have completed the two and a half hour movie.His unsuccessful love affair and the day and nights spent in silence in the room as an Jew escapee in fear of being found in hiding by the Germans were incredible.One thing what startled me is that he being a Pianist was left to hide in a room with a piano and he could not even play it.But the piano melody that played in the background with him just acting his fingers over the keys showed his passion about music and his willingness to just find some comfort in the music that would be made with his fingers striking the keys of the piano.Enough said,the movie as a whole is a treat but i was more amazed by the little details that were so precise.The clean shaven look of Adrian broody in the end signified some importance to me.The Germans were defeated and washed out by the Russians,the Jew was saved and off went his ragged look as new freshness sprouted upon him even though now he had no family,no love and nothing but his life with which he could gain all that he lost again.