"A DAY IN THE LIFE"

DAY 1

In a coffee shop, i am sitting in a table beside a window. There is a vase on which a purple flower blossoms on the table. A fine art hangs alone on the cafe wall. A summer breeze brushes my hair and spills the ash from the ashtray all over my shirt. I blow air softly and the ashes fly away. The cigarette i am smoking is only half done when a couple enters the coffee shop. With a cigarette in one of my hands and a cup in another i smoke it peacefully. The couple sits in the table right beside the wall on which the fine art hangs.

The girl is probably of nineteen or twenty and the guy is a hunk with a stocky body and tight shirt and grunge faded jeans and a hairdo i wished i never had to do. Yes it was that bad. The girl is wearing i don’t know what you call it. A sort of knee length dress white in color with flowers like imprints sort of pink and soft yellow. She has long black hair with a bit of a curl and shiny emerald like earrings shining as if it's screaming silently for me to see. She was wearing a stiletto but I'm not that sure. She was constantly touching the strip of her bag over her shoulder and stroking her hair. Well, i did not notice anything more than that.

I pick another cigarette from the packet and with a lighter light it up and start to take in the smoke. I keep watching the couple specially the girl after all that’s what guys do look at others girlfriends and i am telling you it doesn't stop even if they have a women to call their own. She smiles, it’s more of a chuckle covers her mouth with her hands. The guy holds her hand and i can see them looking at each other and sharing a glance. It looks like their eyes do all the talking. Suddenly the girl spills some drink on her hand and cleans it with a handkerchief she pulled out of her bag.

I was so curious on them that i almost smoked the filter of my cigarette. I get up, pay the bill and walk out of the coffee shop. The sky is grey with patches of black clouds and it seems like it is going to rain in a while now. I have to hurry up now and reach my home else the rain is going to get me all wet and the next morning i would be sneezing, coughing and covering my nose all day long. I don’t want that happening. I don’t have an umbrella. Well, i never got hold of the idea of carrying an umbrella around. I could make an exception if it has been raining but else it burdened me. And i felt sort of heavy doing that. And it's not England that you hardly see the sun so you got to be always prepared for the rain. I walk along the sidewalk really fast. All sorts of people with their umbrella spokes moving haywire are in a hurry. They don’t care if someone got pricked. So, making my way through the crowd and avoiding the umbrella army i am about 500 meters from my home. It's drizzling slightly but i do not bother about that but as i am about to reach my home, It rains like crazy and i get wet within 2 minutes. I go straight to my room and start changing. And with perfectly dry clothes on i wait for the rain to stop. I stare at the windows and the droplets hitting it and those racing down the glass and those that coalesce with each other and make big drop and fall off in the end. I watch the black bird taking shelter on the tree under its leaves and i see the tiny ants on the outside of my window pane rushing back and forth carrying small pieces of what they ate escaping the water drops so tiny to us but which swept them away like a tsunami.

DAY 2

It's early morning about 7 and i wake up. Opening my eyes as little as i could, i look outside the window. The rain is gone and the sun is up and about. And the air feels fresh and it smells of a new day. But the freshness of the day was limited only to the smell. I get fresh and get out of the house and walk along the sidewalk. I like it this way with as less people as possible on it and the honking of the horns and the engine sounds are also far less than at the time of day. I walk breathing the fresh air wishing it would put some of its freshness into me and when i wake up tomorrow i find a new myself. And I’ve tried but there is never the new me. I am the same old person, everyday i wake up. The same old uncombed hair, the same old untrimmed beard, the same old apathy and the same old mundane self. The person walking on the sidewalk and the people driving their cars are the only variables.

I reach the coffee shop and sit in the same table beside the window. The waiter brings the usual a cup of coffee and four cigarettes. There are not much people in the cafe at this time of the day. It's quiet like the purple flower in the vase. Beautiful but on the verge of withering. I sip the coffee and inhale the smoke deep and exhale all the freshness out of and i am the same old stale self again. I look at the table where the couple was sitting but it's empty too. Suddenly the girl walks in. This time it's only her and the guy is not around. Maybe she was the freshness i was longing on for so so long i wonder. I watch her. She ordered a coffee and a sandwich i guess. I was too busy staring at her clear face in front of which her hair dropped and her perfectly done eyebrows. It was foolish of me to dream so soon. And i made myself realize that and jumped out of my imaginary world. With all my senses intact i am saying that she was another kind of pretty, my kind of pretty. I knew i was being drawn towards her. I knew that quite clear at the moment of time and i knew that i needed to stop myself from being pulled onto someone. For more than once i would not want to be the one whimpering on about my failed love. I do not want to start something new which i would not be able to put an end to when it has gone beyond my control so i knew i needed to stop myself from making the mistake when i still have the chance.so, i withdraw myself from the lady so gracious and yet so simply pretty that i would imagine to be forever at my sight. I come of out of the imaginary conversation i am having with myself and make myself acquainted with the reality again. And the guy the girl was with the day before arrived and cleared the doubts if i still had any about her.

The guy comes in with a bouquet of yellow Lilly’s and gives it to the girl which she accepts with a graceful smile. I stand up and get out of the cafe right away and part ways from all the thoughts i was having. With all sorts of thoughts playing pinball inside my skull i take a walk slow but not so peaceful as it was when i came early morning. I figured i was so empty and so desperate to try to fill up the emptiness that i was rushing onto a immature decision and solely on the urge of temptation i was going to let myself stray again for one more time. And i was about to make the same mistake again. How long could i keep myself at bay from the mystery life presented me with?? That’s a question i could not create an answer to. May be i would be taken aback from the imaginary endeavors i had planned inside my head or i would simply give in on the unpredictability of any future i might behold.

DAY 3

Phone rings. It rings several times. It is no surprise that the job an alarm couldn't do for 2 hours would not be done by few rings on the phone. I feel a sense of light on my face and finally get up from my bed. Stare at myself for a couple of minutes in the mirror and decide not to shave yet again. Maybe I’m just too lazy or maybe i am in love with my rugged look or maybe it gives me a sense of maturity that i did not have at a certain point of my life. I talk to myself, question several things and shovel out the answers i am often seeking for from within myself. One thing, i am not mad. I feel comfortable talking to myself rather than with another person for i have to explain all sort of nonsense to them while i can easily stick to what i seek while talking with myself. I walk out but not toward the cafe today but toward a new destination i am going to embrace. Of course i miss my table beside the window, the vase which held the purple flower blossoming, the art on the wall, the table beside the wall and the pretty face that used to sit there. But i don’t miss all that badly enough to walk back into that cafe and spend an hour or so staring at that piece of beauty smoking a pack of cigarettes and clouding my ever unclear mind with the cigarette smoke.

Sometimes what you thought you need and what you actually need are two different things and it takes a lot realize that and let go of your fantasies and all your plan you thought that you'll make happen. And as the candle burns down you realize that there will be no light after a moment so you try to savour the moment the light still exist, at that very moment you do not think of the possibility of the light another candle might bring. No, i do not consider the possibility that the light it brings will be as important as the first one for i have been so used to the darkness that light hurt my eyes and blind my thoughts. It withers my flowers and washes off the paint of my picture. It shows me the picture of the one that i could never make mine. It reminds me of my failures and my mistakes and my regrets. It makes me question myself and makes it more clear to me that we are never meant to hold on. "The tighter you hold onto a handful of sand the faster you'll lose all of it."

  

THE UNWRITTEN

It was the end of september,the rain was drying up and a sort of coldness was upon the atmosphere.And a sense of nostalgia scented the air they both breathed.
I can not help but smile at their childish act and the glances they shared.There still was a child within them and it was aching to come out through their
lovestruck self.All the fondling of the hair and laying on the lap,the countless whispers and the gentle kisses.Sometimes he would get a blue flower for her
which she would tuck somewhere in her hair,the landscape in the back she would pose infront of and the god knows what faces she made while all he did was
flaunt his sun glasses and give the same look every single time.The coffee they sipped and the pizza they did not eat,every single thing was as vivid as a
crystal ball.

After all these years had passed,Somewhere in the pages of the book that no one liked to read,somewhere in the pictures that were long lost purposefully never
meant to be found and somewhere buried beneath the strata of ones brain those pictures and the memoir was hidden.And it was like fantasy but not for me.
Something that meant so much could not just disappear in thin air.Maybe somewhere in the parallel universe somewhere it was still fresh but lets not
talk fantasies here.You cannot be everything and still want to be unnoticed.It just is not possible.If only you could defy nature oh wait would you not be
called god if you could ?? Nobody remembers anything,no one even has a glimpse of the tragedy that couldnt be scripted by the likes of shakespear or immortalised
by the divine art of Da Vinci.All the tragedies untold and unknown,did they not even occur ??? or i am wrong to question that ???

The love once felt and the love once lost,where did it all vanish now.Their lips locked with arms entalgled upon each others,tell me if that is just the ghost of
the moment now.The poems he wrote for her and the tears that fell on the floor while he read the lines to her,Were they nothing less than the ocean water so abundant
yet so inadequate to clinch the thirst.The intimacy,the fire and the reasons were all killed but he could not kill her image the sketch painted so well on the canvas
of his brain.He could not let it go.The big black eyes with a shade of grey,the thin yet so perfect lips and her pointed little nose.He remembered them all.
Thougn no tragedies were written of him and her it was immortalised upon his brain.He required no shakespear to keep their stories alive and no Da vanci to make him
remind her beautiful face.And above all he did not need all the people he didn't care about know what he went through and sympathise and act like they gave a shit.
After all it was not what they were going to think and talk about that mattered it was what they went through together and at last what remained of their love that
was important.It was definitely a story the had no happy ending.It was the love that never really could flourish.It was all you would wish would never happen to you.
He had her heart,she was swept off of her feet and fell right into his arms and with his arms around her waist  he picked her up and she did not even complain
A sort of love were spilled upon the air but only few could pick up what scent was lingering upon the air.The meetings in secrecy and the fondness of each other.
They were in their own little world but not for long.Life cant stand something so static that it keeps changing every moment to disrupt the balance of the universe
like the ice which melts within seconds when brought upon the heat.People may call life unfair but since we are all playing the game everybody calls life we are
obliged to face the challenges it throws upon our path.We can compain,lament and curse things happening to us but no one is going to listen so its you alone
that must bear the sole responsibility.

She went away and he never knew where,he never knew what happened to her.He could never find out why.He never tried to.On the journey of life their path crossed
across a junction but each were meant to go their separate ways.she was still in his head playing the tune of their times together.It would have been easy if it was
her physical self he had to kill but the "her" inside his head could not be shot with a gun neither could be slayed with a sword.She was immortal inside of him.She
killed him all the way inside to attain immortality.

WHILE WE WAIT

Just wait for me,don't go away.Just for a moment,please it won't take long......She walks away and goes beyond my sight.I stand alone where she left leaning
on a wall.I'm speechless.She went away without a word.I keep standing in there thinking all sort of things.Her pretty face continuously blinks infront of me,
the mysterious eyes she had didn't even look at me.It started raining,a slight drizzle.I just walk along the empty road not knowing where i'm going i walk
alone.I remember her dancing in the rain like a little girl.
I am walking but i find myself wet and i do not even bother questioning why?I was cold,the coldness that i've never felt.I remember clearing her wet hair from
her face and giving her a gentle kiss.Her looking at me and having faith in me that i'd never do her harm.I look back to see if she changed her mind and came back
but no,all i can see is the winter breeze blowing straight to my face,I know that she had some reasons that she left because she'd never been that quiet anytime.
she could have told me but she chose not to.Even if she did not tell it very easily anytime i knew she loved me and so did i.Now with the chattering of bird and
wishpering of the trees i try to find the words that she spoke.I search the face of mine which she made looking at the stars at the night but it seems the stars
at the night have gone.she took 'em with her.
But you know i found something she left back,She had left a note for me writing "I'll be back".The photographs that i had i look through them and remember her.
I wait for her to come back.Her perfect walk and elegant smile always run through my mind.I miss her every single time of the day.With the days passing by i try
to forget her.Everytime i see the fountain,i remember sitting with her in there and talking for hours.May be our time had ended and i accept the fact that she is gone
and I'm all by myself now.She never came back though.

                                                "It feels right,It feels wrong
                                                 feels like when you have it
                                                 then its gone,I want more,more
                                                 and more and if you steal the fire give
                                                 me some cuz the sun disobeys while
                                                 it wait for a friend to arrive from
                                                 the past what hods us
                                                 around an around while we wait"
                                                 -Jack Johnson (while we wait)
                                                   

THE COFFEE MUG

Coffee spilled on the table,the blank pages stained dark brown with coffee stains.The bed not made and the curtains closed,the T.V lying on the corner like a Drug addict
in Rehab.No he had not watched T.v for a long long time,all the dust on the screen pointed it that way.Posture of Monalisa on the wall couldn't have looked more lifeless and
the book racks as empty as a Prostitute's heart.The state in which the room stood yelled out loud that a man in distress lived there.

The door opened and slammed shut,he bolted it from the inside,hung his coat on the hanger,took out his shoes,sat in the rocking chair facing the window but with curtains on.
He sat there in silence for a while.He did not want to speak,he did not want to observe,he did not want to exist,he did not want to breathe.He was cold as a razor blade and
silent as a tombstone.No hurry,no anxiety.No he is not paranoid and he is not afraid at all.All he seeks is comfort in the silence of a room locked tight and the curtains
closed.He stands up walks a few steps,reaches the coat hanger and puts his hand in the side pocket,a sound was made of 2 metals striking together.It was the keys and from
the pocket he pulls a pack of cigarettes and smokes one.

"You are a liar,you have no respect,You cannot love,you can never love anyone" a voice yelling inside his head startled him as he nearly sticks his own arm with the burning
cigarette.The voices inside his head were always getting louder and louder stirring a rage inside himself,he did not want to believe and he did not want to give in to the
evil which were trying to bring him down.He was angry,he was frustrated,he was agitated and still he was calm.His eyes throwing a constant gaze at the Monalisa poster but
lost in some other piece of memory in his head,his hands were shaking once in a while like a tremor or out of anger or fear within himself.

Wait,I'll bring you an umbrella it's about to pour.You wouldn't want to get wet and let cold catch you tomorrow. Ok sweetie he said and he waited,She returned with an umbrella
and he took it from her small,soft hands.He kissed her on her cheeks,told her to take care of herself and he left.He remembered this little piece of rendezvous with his girl
in his head.He was in distress,he certainly was not well.He had all sorts of thoughts running in his head,all sorts of that of her.Her tiny nose,her large eyes with eyelashes
painted black,her dark lusty hair and how effortlessly he used to clear her face of that lovely hair,her calling out his name and his telling mmmm hmmmm and hers telling
nothing,Her holding him tight and close to her and putting his arms around her tight so that no one would take her away.He rolled his phone and saw all her texts and the
picture they had clicked together in anticipation of always being together and having 2 lovely kids.Oh it was madness.It was two young people madly in love and there was
nothing wrong with that.Love was their friend and they were each others.He is out,he shakes his head in an attempt to awaken himself from the worthless dreams of memories
in which he has been swimming lately.He was dreaming out loud and it had to end now,right at that piont.He couldn't take it.It was and it had been mundane for way too long,
the apathy had taken over him and he needed to rise above it.He had to abate the pain and depression.He had to let go of what had kept him holding on for way too long.

He took his phone out and dialed her number from the speed dial he had put her on.Her picture from the phone staring right into his eyes.It rang,rang,rang and rang but it was
not to be received.The phone ringing close to her beside her lifeless body which was laid to rest by him.Yes he killed her.She yelled at him,she cursed him but she loved him
too,and he loved her too but the bullet that came out of his gun at the very moment did not dare to love anyone.He finished what he held dearest to his heart thats why he was
ditressed, thats why he did not want to breath.thats why he missed her more than ever before,He was in shambles and he could not get out of it even if he tried his hardest to.
He took the life out of her and ran home straight away slammed the door shut and bolted it from inside but not before one last moment of togetherness.He laid beside her holding
her hands and asking for forgiveness and kissed her in her forehead and then he had run.

He was prespiring,he took the gun out of the pocket of his coat leaving the keys as it is which had earlier made sound striking the gun.He took it in his hand pointed it to his
temple and flashback ran through his head as he believed he faced the last moment of his lives,her face flashed before his eyes and the trigger was pulled.The bullet pierced his
skull right through with ease and he fell.He fell on the table and the coffee mug on the table fell and spilled the coffee on the blank pages.The blank pages of his life.

Blank,yet not as empty as anyone would think.